Monday, January 18, 2016

Wednesday Is My New Monday

Already 3 weeks into the the new year and I'm still working on my New Year's post. Pretty typical for a procrasticator like myself but it just goes to show that time doesn't wait for anybody. The New Year brings hope for many people but I still like Mondays for the same reason. Mondays just scream "new beginnings" and "I'll start on Monday" has become one of my many mantras. Every Monday I wake up ready to tackle my world with great enthusiasm, new aspirations, old aspirations renewed, and restored hope!  Mondays and the New Year are like a fresh jar of cookie butter both waiting for people like me to dig in! And every New Year and Monday I am hopeful that "this" time I will accomplish whatever it is that I want to. Clean eating, no sugar, no fast food, more exercise (who am I kidding you have to exercise even a little to do more), more water intake, less shouting, more organization, less social media, leave my phone plugged in while the kids are home and awake, keep up with the laundry, play with my kids, spend more time together enjoying the great outdoors, read, read scriptures daily, study Sunday school lessons before Sunday comes, daily morning and night prayers, daily morning and night family prayers where were actually kneel and pray from the heart, daily couples prayer, weekly FHE (Family Home Evening), 100% visiting teaching, wake up early and by that I mean wake up before my kids do (don't get me wrong, I love that my boys are responsible and can get themselves up, but I really should be up to greet them), shower first thing, prepare kids lunches every day, prepare breakfast for all every day, make a meal plan and prepare healthy dinners every day and have it ready by 5:30 so we can all eat together before we go separate ways for activities and sports, more temple attendance (again it's not more when it's none at all), make Saturday a special day that we use to get ready for Sunday, like clipping nails, preparing "the" bag, and ironing clothes so we're not scrambling on Sunday, get to church on time even though I don't have my husband home to help us get out the door, keep the house tidy by following a "cleaning schedule", wash the car often, keep the car tidy, vaccum and wipe the interior down monthly, sell/list all of the stuff and handbags I have to sell on Ebay/KSL, stop buying more stuff and handbags that I hope to sell on Ebay/KSL, stop buying clothes for my children (they have enough), stop buying clothes for myself especially when it's not even the right size (wishful size 6 thinking), buy things that we need not things that we want, declutter, take parenting classes to help me be the mom who I want to be, spend quality time with those people who truly care about me, stop saying "we should get together" and just commit to a date, stop chasing people who have no time or interest in my life (sounds harsh but at some point you have to accept that some friendships will just never be), have families and couples over for dinner, schedule more one on one dates with the kids and continue having date night every weekend as a couple, plan monthly dinners with my 1989 forever friends, plan monthly dinners with my UT21 sistas, attend my RS enrichment meetings and invite a friend or neighbor, do acts of service for our neighbors and ward members, write thank you's and notes when inspired and actually mail them, send out birthday cards to every member of our family, make flash cards and teach Liam and Sara how to read, cut out felt stories (I've only owned them since Cole was a baby, 14 years ago), refinish the corner shelf in our TV room, organize family photos and create videos so we can enjoy them, delete pictures especially when there are 20 of the same pose (if I wouldn't post it or print it, delete it), blog more as it is my only source of journaling besides Instagram and Facebook, order chat books and blog books to bind our memories, write the children's books I've always wanted to write, record an album for my children, get family pictures printed and framed to create the family wall again (it's only been 2 years since we painted), stick with a nightly routine so we can have time for stories and chit chat instead of tears and harsh words and a tone that we always regret, stop wishing for bedtime and wishing the days away, count to 10 or step away when confronted with frustrating moments, or just flat our keep my cool, compliment my husband more, reach for my husband more, go to bed at a decent hour, stop shopping at the dreaded W@!!m@r+ because it gives me great anxiety EVERY single time I step foot in it, stop shopping at my beloved store +@rg3+ because I always walk away with things I don't need (just because it's on sale doesn't mean I'm saving money if I don't need it), and the list goes on and on.

So yes it's true that Mondays and the New Year brings great enthusiasm, new aspirations, and restored  hope, but with a list this long there is no way I can walk or even sprint away from my week and 2016 feeling accomplished. Sure I may be able to dig into this fresh jar of cookie butter, but I am sure to get stuck! And ain't nobody got time for that! Although I have a lot of lofty aspirations, many of them valid and worthy, I need to be kind and realistic to myself. I can be aware of the changes I need to make and strive for 100% participation, but I need to understand that no one is keeping an inventory but me. And if there are others taking inventory of my life then ain't nobody got time for them! I just want to be happy and if happiness comes from me eating no sugar or spending more time with my family, then I shall eat no sugar and spend more time with my family. Making lists, creating vision boards, setting goals are important, I get it. Sometimes even creating the list itself makes me feel accomplished. But a list this long only contradicts my intention of making the list. It's supposed to give me purpose and hope but instead it makes me feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Yes there are things that are a given, things that I should be doing anyway but if I don't follow a cleaning schedule is it really going to be a problem? Or if I do lose my cool does it mean that I am any less of a mother? No. It just means that I simply can't do it all. It's human nature to want what we don't have or feel the need to obtain things that we "think" we need but at some point for our own sanity it has to be enough! So for now I will focus on the things that I am doing and not on the things that I should be doing. I will wish for more days and fill them with satisfaction rather than disappointment because I am enough. I will go to bed each night knowing that I gave it my all! If I can strive to be a better version of me today than I was yesterday then it should be enough. And even then if I am worse today than I was yesterday then there's always tomorrow or Wednesday. That's it, I'll start on Wednesday because Wednesday is my new Monday!!

My name is Jodi and I am enough!