There is lots of goodness in the world, but there would be less, unecessary sadness if we all chose to "be the good" and have love in our hearts. It really is a simple philosophy yet so many don't get it. I learned to love by being loved. And today I am teaching my children how to love by loving them. Now just because I get it doesn't mean that I see rainbows and mermaids every day of my life. "Love is all you need" just makes it easier for me to understand my purpose, to love and be loved.
I often post pics of my children on social media. Many times my posts are related to adoption, in particular, special needs adoption. It is no surprise that I have an interest in and a love for adoption because my life has been blessed by it, twice. I will sometimes use the hashtag #allyouneedislove. I use it because it truly is the reason I was touched to "be the good". My heart was pricked by love and a desire to help others through foster care and adoption. On one occasion after I had posted an adoption related post tagging #allyouneedislove, an acquaintance within my "adoption world" posted an entirely different post about how love isn't all you need. I honestly don't even remember who it was but I feel certain that she wrote her own post to contradict my own. I don't even remember what she said exactly but I remember thinking, "I hope I don't come across that my life is perfect and that adoption is hunky dory." Adoption is hard and there are times when love just doesn't seem enough but I promise you it is! Love is all you need to SURVIVE!
This particular person had just adopted an older child. And maybe that is another reason she was making a point, because I have no experience in older children adoption. But I get it even though my children were infants. A lot of abandoned children wear so many layers that it is hard to peel back every layer with love, I get it. Some kids are simply wired differently and it is impossible to rewire or reconnect the faulty connections, I get it! It is hard to like them when they are defiant or mean, I get it. It is hard to like them when all they seem to do is hurt those who are trying to love them, I get it. It's hard to like them when their stubbornness drives you to drink, I get it and I don't even drink! It is hard to look in their eyes and see their potential, because at times their eyes seem dull, empty and dark, I get it. These kids have lived a life of rejection and abandonment from those who were supposed to love them the very most so it is no wonder why it is hard to for them to love and be loved. Loving them can be hard work and sometimes you do need a lot more than love, you need patience, kindness, sanity, self control and anger management, lots of tear fests, and a night out with the girls. A long winters nap would be nice too!! I get it!
I get it because even though my children were infants when we adopted them, I surprisingly do have some of the same issues. There are times when I don't like my children. I love them fiercely, but they wind me up so much sometimes it's hard to want to be nice. There have been times when I have felt like someone else would be better suited to be a mother to my children. I have uttered the words, "I can't do this anymore". I have even questioned if we made the right decision. I never thought I would have these heartbreaking doubts but they're real. This is why adoption is love! It has stretched my ability to love even greater than I thought was possible and to love unconditionally. So the point I try to make when I use #allyouneedislove is that love is the key to get to the point of even wanting to help these children. You have to have love in your heart for your heart to even be stirred. Love is all you need to trust and take that leap of faith to change the course of your life but more importantly to change the course of a child's life. These kids need us! They need someone to reignite the light in their eyes so their soul can shine bright as it was designed to do! They have potential, they have a purpose and our purpose as parents, no matter where our children come from or how they are wired is to not give up on them! They need us as much as we need them! So love really is all you need to make this happen! It doesn't mean it's going to be easy. It doesn't mean that it is going to take away their behavior or their quirks. Love isn't going to change their diagnosis, but love is all you need to keep fighting! So although it will be tough at times, we have been promised that it will be worth it! "All you need is love" makes the blobfish and cloudy days bearable. Because at the end of the day if our children feel loved despite the hard stuff, they will love! Even if it takes an eternity! Thank goodness families are forever, because forever is a long time and hopefully it's enough time for all of us to get it!